Female celebrities, particularly the younger ones, often fall into the trap of focusing on how they’ll look when they get laid, or how much they’ll appreciate a guy.
That’s not to say there aren’t guys out there who are willing to help you build that confidence and feel like you’re the one for the job.
But it’s also a good time to be honest with yourself.
“I’m not really interested in your looks,” comedian Rob Delaney told me.
“I want to know what it’s like to be a woman who is really good looking.”
“The thing about being a woman is that you’re never in a position where you can tell your boss you’re a girl,” he continued.
Some are more comfortable in a man’s world than they are in a woman’s world. “
You know, the thing is, women are like a million different things.
Some are more comfortable in a man’s world than they are in a woman’s world.
So it’s just like, I’m here to show you, because I know you’re looking for a woman.””
I know I look great, but what am I doing with my life?
And what am my life doing with me?” she said.
“That’s where I think I need to be.”
It’s not about looking good, though.
You’re still a girl, you just need to make sure you’re putting the work in.
“The thing is that men don’t want to work with women,” Delaney said.
They want to get paid.
“They want to be treated as men.
They don’t have any qualms about being treated like a man.
But when they do, that’s a whole different ball game.”
So what do you do when you’re trying to convince a man that you have the right stuff for him?
I’m not going to lie, the best advice I can give is, don’t tell him what you think.
“If you tell a man what he thinks, he’s going to think, ‘Oh, I guess she’s pretty,’ ” Delaney explained.
“But when you just say, ‘Look, I’ve got this,’ and you put a lot of work into it, he can’t say, No, I don’t.
Because he doesn’t think you are.
He thinks you’re just an ugly woman.”
If you can’t talk to him, or you’re not confident enough, you can call him out.
Delaney suggests just saying something like, “I don’t like it when you talk about how much I work, or that I take a lot out of this.”
Or if he’s like, What the fuck?
Then just say something like: “I’m sorry, but I really don’t think that’s what you want.
And I’m very proud of what I do.
I have this great job, and I have an amazing husband.”
The first thing you want to do, says Delaney, is just be yourself.
“Because if you’re going to say anything, you’re doing a huge disservice to yourself.”
That doesn’t mean you have to have a “perfect” appearance.
“When you start getting to know a guy, it’s not that you need to look perfect,” he said.
You just need something you’re comfortable with, something that will give you the confidence to be able to talk to someone about the work you’re put in.
“If you’re in a situation where you’re really not ready for that conversation, then just say it out loud and then be quiet,” he advised.
“It’ll just make it feel like there’s no need for you to be there, and you’re ready to be heard.”
If the first thing a man says to you is, “Hey, you look great,” and you have a response like, you know, “Thanks,” then you’re almost ready to have the conversation.
But if the first person you ask questions about your appearance is your mom, then you need something else to say, because if your mom is the one who’s telling you what you should be doing, then she might actually be the one telling you you’re good looking.
If she’s the one making the judgment call, you’ll just have to work through it.
“Don’t try to get to know the person, because it’s always a lot more important for you,” Delarys said.
Instead, “Get to know your body, and the parts of your body that make you feel good.”
If you’re having a hard time talking to a man, and he’s been saying, “Oh, you are gorgeous,” or “You are so hot,” or you’ve been like, You look really good,” then go for it.
It’s not going get you anywhere.